~ For cultivatingsin: When a daozhang tries to bathe a stray cat

[noeyesortales]

[Since bakerstreet was mean and deleted our thread! How rude.]

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Recap-

[noeyesortales]

cultivatingsin:

[He hasn't bathed since he was dropped, violently, on the side of some godforsaken little road. Being clean has been rather low on his list of necessities, but tonight that is going to change. Xiao Xingchen, of all people, has drawn him a steaming bath! Xue Yang doesn't trust his eyes, watching the graceful daozhang as he moves about the room, feeling as if he is trapped in a dream. Only his pain tells him otherwise and he glances down at his injured leg, flushing at the neat, clean bandage.]

I need help undressing, you realize.


______

noeyesortales:

[While he prefers doing his bathing at night at a nearby stream he discovered while night-hunting, he knows his friend is still healing. He was also.. um.. well, frankly, starting to smell. (He's sorry, but his nose is particularly keen given his condition). So even though they had very limited money, he purchased a wooden tub for them. It would benefit all of them and be safer for A-Qing instead of her going off into the woods alone.

After lugging it home, he fetched the water and heated it over a fire. Only after it was ready did he confess as politely as he could that the bath was actually for the other man. Surprise!

Xingchen chuckles softly at the worry he hears in his friend's tone. He sets out a bar of soap and a cloth next to the wooden tub. He flashes the other man a cheeky smile.]

Have I left you in a moment of need yet? Don't worry, I can promise you I won't peek.

<3 Perfect!

[cultivatingsin]

[All of the hard work Xingchen has put into organizing this for him hasn't gone unnoticed. He doesn't remember anyone working so hard to please him or...help him. As a result, he isn't sure how to react (other than watching Xingchen like he is a god who decided to visit the earth).]

...no. [Amazingly. He loosens his robes at his waist - he can at least do that much - and then begins to shrug them off. His trousers are what will cause him difficulty. And his...undergarment.] Are you sure you can't see? What if you've been fooling me this entire time?

[Xue Yang knows that isn't the case. But teasing Xingchen is...natural. It's something they do. His breath catches as the fabric of his clothes sticks to certain parts of him, the dried blood trying to cling obnoxiously. Some of his wounds begin to bleed a little and he huffs.]

[noeyesortales]

[When he hears his friend's answer, he smiles visibly pleased with it. It made him feel good to know the other man is willing to concede that point, however cautiously. The trust would take time and he was a patient man, but he could help it along by pointing out patterns to aid his cause.

He laughs lightly at the joke, innocent to the irony of it given who else lived with them.]

If I were, how well am I pulling it off? If you- patience, friend!

[He interrupts himself and his smile vanishes when he hears that soft change in the wounded man's breathing. He grabs the cloth, dips it in the bath water, and moves closer with concern on his face.]

Careful.

[He knows where most of the wounds were on his friend's body but he's unsure just where the hurt had come from. Long, thin fingers gently touch skin and he brushes upward a couple inches until he confirms he's feeling the man's chest. His confidence wavers momentarily but he tries his best to keep the pleasant and relaxed expression on his face.]

Where does it hurt? The water will soften the fabric's hold on your skin.

[cultivatingsin]

[That damn smile. Each time he sees it, he feels like he has bathed in the warmth of the sun! Why does the daozhang smile at him like that? Can he really make anyone that happy? Especially over simple matters.

He shifts and busies himself with his clothes instead of examining any of those unanswerable questions - only to cause himself discomfort.]

I believe daozhang, so you've done well.

[The call for patience has him glancing up and he holds his breath, eyes wide when those graceful hands touch his bare skin. Oh this isn't the first time, but he could never grow tired of it. Or accustomed to it. After a moment, he grabs Xingchen's hand gently, directing him to where the fabric is tugging against his back and side.]

Here...and here. They'll scab over, don't worry.

[noeyesortales]

Thank you.

[As much as he prefers to be the one helping instead of getting helped, he appreciates the guidance. His fingertips carefully examine just where on the wound it was sticking. He frowns a bit and shakes his head at the comment.]

Nonsense. There's no need to rush this and make you have to heal something again when we can prevent it the first time.

[As light as he can, he puts the wet cloth against the wound and holds it there.]

We'll make sure to do this more often to help keep these clean. I'm sorry I didn't do this sooner for you.

[cultivatingsin]

[Thank you? For what? He feels his cheeks heat...and then his body. There is a hunger in his dark eyes now, ravenous, begging, pleading to be appeased. No one has come close to filling that void and he has always assumed no one would. But here is the man he wishes he had met years and years ago.

Why did you make me wait?]

I've bled plenty of times. My body can repair itself. [Except this time, he is having trouble. And Xingchen likely knows it too. The beating he received from the Jin broke something inside of him and his will to recover has lessened greatly.

Until now. But there is that stubborn side of him that jerks away from kindness and screams that it's fake. The wet cloth loosening the dried blood flies in the face of that screaming and he bows his head, almost...ashamed.]

Don't apologize. This isn't strange for me. It must be for you or else you wouldn't wear white.

[noeyesortales]

[He can't help it. That boastful answer is adorable and it makes him breathe a quick laugh before he can stop himself. It wasn't the kind of laugh one does when things are funny so much as when a very cute baby animal trips over its oversized feet. It's endearing even if he's absolutely certain that wasn't at all what the man was going for right then.]

I'm sure you have. You seem very strong and brave, friend. Indulge me this favor and permit me to fuss for a few minutes more.

[He might need to use a technique to heat the water again in the tub but it would be worth the spiritual energy to make certain more pain isn't brought to this young man. He doesn't know his past or the reason he's been hurt, but Xingchen doesn't want him to feel anymore.

His smile widens at the cheeky comeback.]

I won't argue there. I was taught by my shifu to be neat and clean whenever possible. Also, a pleasant bath is something I indulge in. I won't make you wear white and be as fastidious as I am.

[cultivatingsin]

[He jerks at the sound, but not because he is offended. It's actually very difficult to offend Xue Yang. Then again, how does one notice any offense when they are laying on the ground? Metaphorically. However what interests him is the reason behind the little laugh. What had been so funny? And why was that laugh different from the others?]

Fuss all you like. [He allows, unsure why the daozhang would bother. He must smell awful.] Mmm let me help.

[Pushing himself, shakily, onto his feet, he loosens the tie on his trousers and cheekily guides Xingchen's hands to them.]

Support me and I'll step out of them. After this bath, I might be worthy of wearing white, but it wouldn't stay clean long. I guess I'm too messy.

[noeyesortales]

[He senses the motion of the man looking up suddenly at him and he bites his bottom lip for a brief second worried he'd insulted him. As he's working to come up with a way to explain himself that wouldn't further annoy his friend, he gets a response that sounds anything but irritated. Huh, he must've read that reaction wrong.

He's surprised to feel the other rising and gets off his knees where he'd knelt to do the same. His hands are guided and oh! A breath is sucked in sharply in quiet surprise.

Yes, well, he did say he'd help his friend undress. Trousers and undergarments were naturally part of that. He feels the back of his neck heat and perhaps his blood a degree or two as well- which was inappropriate when this poor man was at his mercy.

Resolving within himself to keep his promise of 'not peeking' (or being wrongfully aroused), he nods and moves to help. Once he hears the fabric hit the floor, he hesitates on how exactly to ask this. What was the gentlemanly way of asking if his friend was wearing an undergarment? Should he just assume and go to help draw those down? Heavens he was about to remove a man's undergarment! Just breathe, Xingchen.

A hand slips cautiously down along a sinfully toned side and discovered fabric still remaining. Whew, he'd assumed correctly. Certainly his friend could hear his heart pounding, he helps guide those down too until they slip the rest of the way themselves.

Was he blushing? He feels like maybe he's blushing.]

[cultivatingsin]

[Understanding Xingchen has become a hobby of his. One that he pursues with great interest! Each expression on that handsome face is evaluated until Xue Yang feels certain he has an answer for each one. Usually his findings are...well...adorable. The man before him seems to be infinitely cute and so naive that taking advantage of him is no chore at all.

But there are times, like right now, that he has no interest in pulling the wool over his daozhang's eyes. Xue Yang is...himself. One or two other people have seen this side of him, but they failed him. They threw him out. He doesn't believe Xingchen will unless...

His identity is revealed. That possibility is shoved ruthlessly to the back of his mind so he can thoroughly enjoy being stripped by such a beautiful man. Wiggling his hips, he helps the trousers fall faster. And then, all that's left, is...

Swallowing hard, Xue Yang feels that hand graze his skin and find the band of cloth that serves to keep him...contained. It's probably for the best Xingchen can't see since the attention has had an effect on said area.]

Thank you. [He murmurs, stepping out of both his trousers and underwear. He puts a hand on Xingchen's shoulder to hold his balance and then limps to the tub. Getting in will require more assistance, but that only takes a few moments. He sinks into the water and starts with his hair, scrubbing the mud and sweat and blood from the dark strands.]

[noeyesortales]

[Xingchen's smile returns at the words of gratitude. It easily makes up for any awkwardness he was feeling.]

You're welcome, dear friend. Here, be careful now..

[He diligently stays close as he helps get the other cultivator into the water. Once he's situated, Xingchen kneels next to the tub and dips the cloth into the water. He picks up the bar of soap and rubs it against the cloth. He reaches over and lightly touches a bare back, pleased he has the right spot. His fingers take him to the wound on his back. Raising the cloth, he gently starts cleaning the skin around it.]

[cultivatingsin]

[A grin tugs at his lips, drawn out by Xingchen's sweet smile. He settles himself in the tub, sighing as the heat works on his sore muscles. His leg definitely likes the attention and he loosens the bandage, taking it off and laying it on the side of the tub.]

You're sweet. I'm not sure candy outdoes you.

[He lets himself relax, arching forward to make cleaning his back easier. The wound earns a slight hiss when it's touched, but he makes no move to stop Xingchen. And he won't. All of his touches are good.]

Where did you learn to take care of someone?

[noeyesortales]

[Even if his friend hadn't said thank you, the happy sigh would've been plenty. The fact he got both was a lovely treat. He doesn't know what to do with the extra flattery on top of it! It's so different than the quiet reverence and subtle admiration he used to receive from another. His heart twists painfully in his chest and he has to push away that memory. He knows the next thought would've been of how his heart was broken and the guilt he'd forever have over that situation.

Besides, why dwell on the past when he had someone who needed him here? Someone cute and fun and affectionate at times. Now was one of those times, so he gives himself permission to enjoy it.]

Sweeter than candy? Truly such a thing doesn't really exist.

[He might have joked further but he hears that signal of pain. He hums a soft note of sympathy. Why did some things have to hurt in order to be cleansed and healed? One of the great unfair aspects of life.

The question has his hand pausing a moment to think.]

I suppose it'd technically be my shifu, Baoshan Sanren, but it feels natural when you care about someone. It has the added perk of getting to enjoy the person's company too. Why do you ask?

[cultivatingsin]

[This is new territory for him too, the well-worn pathways carved by his bitterness and hatred left behind in favor of green grass, tall trees and white flowers under a full moon. He has his suspicions about the beauty and tranquility Xingchen offers him so effortlessly, but he finds himself unable to deny himself it. Xue Yang has sworn to himself that any pleasure he feels is just...another kind of revenge. Yet it isn't, is it? It's something else; something frightening and new and -

Something he has craved too.]

You do exist. [To hide his vulnerability, he uses some of the soap to scrub his scalp and his hair. He then dunks his head under the water - as many times as it takes - until his hair is gleaming.

Then he stills himself again so the wound on his back can be properly cleaned. Pain is part of life. There is no cruelty to it, really. It just exists.]

Are you...referring to me? [Daozhang cares for him and enjoys his company? His heart beats quicker.] Do you think most cultivators would have stopped to help me?

[noeyesortales]

[You do exist. The words echo in his ears, or maybe his heart several more times. He'd been told not to, exist that was. He'd tried walking away from everything he'd ever known into obscurity to be certain he could obey a wish. Despite his best effort, he did exist.

Mentally his focus turns outward again and to the present. Someone wants him to exist. Someone was pleased with this fact. Someone's words, he realizes, mean a lot more to him than he'd expected.

Luckily while his heart reeled from this, his friend was making it impossible for him to keep washing his back. He sits back on his heels until the splashing stops. This time when he reaches out, his fingers thread through smooth, silky hair and he smiles. His friend must be feeling so much better to have his hair all nice and clean again.

Unlike the last question which he had to think about, this answer is easy and comes out immediately.]

Of course I am. And I do.. most of them. I know there are some who wouldn't but then they're hearts aren't embracing our calling. There are good, loving people out there in the world. Some far better than me. I know they would've stopped and helped you.

[cultivatingsin]

[Two hearts are reeling and Xue Yang uses the hot water and soap to distract himself. When his hair is clean, he lets the rasher side of his brain take over - as it usually does unless he is focused on one goal or another. He takes hold of Xingchen's arm and tugs him in closer, confident that his scent won't drive the poor man to the hills.]

When you say that, I almost believe you. [Almost. No word hurts more except perhaps "monster".] I've known plenty of cultivators and every single one of them was a disappointment. I am too. But you...

You're different. Maybe you're like your Master. I don't know. But I like the difference. I like being around you.

[He releases that arm and flushes darkly, steadying his breaths through sheer force of will. In through his nose and out through his mouth. Xue Yang had never written love letters or poems to anyone or spoken romantic words aloud, however what he relayed to Xingchen felt...like it came close.]

[noeyesortales]

[He doesn't know what just happened! One second he is thinking about his friend's clean hair and the next he is drawn forward so unexpectedly, the front of his robes press against a very wet and naked man. His breath catches in his throat and he freezes like the hold on his arm is a spell. With his mouth open and no words coming out, he listens.

His heart breaks for this poor soul who has been treated so unkindly. How has the cultivating community failed him so profoundly? The next part about how different he was to the rest almost makes him feel guilty for not being even better.

There's a couple moments of stunned silence before Xingchen thinks of just how to react. He draws even closer and slips his arms very gently around his friend and rests his chin lightly on his shoulder but leans his head a bit against his friend's cheek. He can't press too hard since he knows there are injuries, but he holds the man anyway.]

I'm glad you enjoy my company too. I'll try my very best not to let you down.

[cultivatingsin]

[A very wet and naked man who likes the contact. Just feeling Xingchen's robes against his skin is exciting and Xue Yang's voice grows husky and breathless. He isn't sorry for putting them in this position and if this is a spell, it's the best one he has ever cast.

The arm he holds hostage is caressed, from wrist to elbow, as if he can sense Xingchen's guilt. He can't, of course, and the motion is born out of his desire to touch and be touched. But not by just anyone. Xiao Xingchen is the one he wants and when he feels that embrace, he shudders and melts into it.

He wouldn't care if the hug aggravated his wounds! A point he proves by nestling back against the other man. Snorting softly at those self-deprecating words, he turns his head and kisses Xingchen's cheek right below his bandage.]

If you're not like me, how could you let me down? Be Xiao Xingchen. He's the one I like.

[noeyesortales]

[He's grateful he made the right call when he senses the body in his arms relax. This feels like one of those moments that are a turning point in relationships, though he doesn't know in what direction or just how things have changed. They are friends, that much he knows for sure now. It seems he's being trusted on a new, stronger level and for that he is elated.

The kiss is so sweet and he smiles. He's taken this lost, unloved feral cat and its finally eating out of his hand. Others might think of how to use such a bond, but it only makes Xingchen want to try harder to prove his worthiness.]

I'll be Xiao Xingchen, but I believe you're a good man. When you're healthy and able again, maybe you can accompany me on a night-hunt.

[cultivatingsin]

[And that is what sets Xingchen apart from everyone else. He doesn't see this feral cat as a tool. He doesn't pay him in coin or with his body to do horrific deeds. The feral cat is enough and that alone has Xue Yang purring, happy to be bathed and held and fed.

He pales at the mention of being a "good man". Usually he would laugh, but he doesn't feel like it this time. So he holds onto those arms and tries to pretend like they won't disappear or let him go.]

I want to go with you. I know I can help! [On that topic he brightens and kisses Xingchen's cheek again.] You'll be safer, daozhang.

[noeyesortales]

[Xingchen thinks he understands the silence. He's heard the doubt before when his friend speaks of himself and his heart hurts for him. He wishes he could get the sweet man to believe in himself more. It's possible he will one day if Xingchen is patient and gentle enough with him, which he intends to be. So his arms tighten just a touch when there is a pause.

He smiles at the enthusiasm over the night-hunt and his cheeks color lightly at getting another kiss. He brings his hand up to cup the cheek on the other side of the man's face, fingers narrowly missing the scar. Innocently, he turns his head to press a gentle kiss to his friend's brow.]

I look forward to it.

[cultivatingsin]

[He has allowed this charade; he even gloried in it. But the daozhang has a way of making him rethink...everything. Happiness isn't meant for men like him and yet, here it is, clothed in the form of a gentle cultivator who...values him. Xue Yang shudders - and not entirely because the water is getting cold.

If he lets himself change... If he embraces this... It might shatter what is left of him. But in the meantime, he could be happy. His eyes close at the touch of those lips on his brow and he hums.]

You could ask me for my arms or my legs or my eyes and I would give them to you.

[noeyesortales]

[It had been such a peaceful and sweet moment. Xingchen knows the words spoken were meant with such lovely intentions too, but he flinches as pain erupted in his heart. The wave of guilt that would never go away nearly took his breath away. He draws back before he can compose himself.]

N- no, I'd never.. I wouldn't ever want you to do that. I.. I like you just as you are. In one piece.

[It is a lame way to cover up his reaction, but an attempt is made anyway. He forces a smile again, though it's weaker.]

Speaking of your arms and legs, where else do we need to wash? Do I need to add some more hot water?

[cultivatingsin]

[He's thinking about Daozhang Zichen. It delights him, selfishly, that those memories only seem to bring pain. That's good, he decides, because it means the other daozhang isn't competition for Xingchen's heart. But there's also...

Pain. He doesn't really like seeing Xingchen upset. The water sloshes as he turns, his wet hair clinging to his cheeks and his neck.]

I like being in one piece, but I wouldn't regret helping you.

[He dares to reach out, grabbing Xingchen's hand.]

Give me the soap and I can finish up. I just need your help getting out when I'm done.

[noeyesortales]

[No, there is no competition. He isn't even aware anyone would ever want it and won't understand why if they did. He's made his peace with the fact the only person who loved him, he hurt beyond measure, sort of. As 'made his peace' as someone gets who will never forgive themselves and knows the other person never will either.

Xingchen's smile falters. He knows his friend believes what he's saying, but he doesn't know if it would be true. Although, he doesn't regret what he did either, so maybe it is real? He doesn't know how to respond. How can he care so much and still never give Xingchen even his name? It is frightening how attached he's getting to his friend.

His hand curls around the other's hand that grabbed him, holding on tightly like he needed help staying grounded. It means so much to him that someone would reach out and hold his hand- it is way more important than a silly name, if he is honest.

He nods slowly at the instructions and picks up the soap and cloth with his free hand. He then turns his head and tilts it slightly to the side.]

A-Qing is returning. Let me give her your robes so they can be washed. I'll be right back.

[None of it is a lie, but he is grateful for the brief reprieve too. He gets to his feet and scoops up his friend's discarded clothes.

He's almost to the door before he turns around and traces a symbol in the air in golden light. He slaps it and the talisman flies from his hand and hits the tub. Immediately, the water's temperature begins to rise. It barely leaves his hand before Xingchen disappears.]