Brothel Meme: Part 3

[notaturnip]

The first day of the tournament dawns bright and clear in Lanling - there's a chill in the air that speaks of the coming winter, but the sky is clear and the sun is bright and the day promises to warm long before any of the events actually start. It's an auspicious morning.

Officially, the tournament is being hosted by four clans - Jin, Jiang, Nie and Ouyang - but everybody knows this is Jin Ling's time to shine. This is the young clan leader's first official public appearance since the attempt on his life, and though his people have seen him several times, rumours have been rife amongst the cultivation community - the tournament is to be well attended, the visitors all expecting to confirm the rumours or dispel them.

There's talk, too, that Jiang Cheng's involvement in the planning is largely to try and repair his own damaged reputation, and Ouyang are there to strengthen their own ties with the Jin clan rather than improve their shaky relationship with the Jiang. Nobody's quite sure why the Nie clan are involved at all, though recently a few more rumours have surfaced about recent 'planning' trips to Lotus Pier...

In short, the gossip is everywhere and everybody who is anybody wants to be there to find out the truth.

It's the grandest tournament to have been held in quite some time - days of feasting and competition intended to bestow glory and accolades upon the greatest cultivators in the land. The Lan clan are not known, of course, to seek such things, but they similarly would not shy away from the chance to prove their worth and put their students to the test.

There are yet more rumours that Lan Xichen himself will be attending - it is known that the clan leader has come out of his seclusion, but he hasn't yet left Cloud Recesses, could this be his first public appearance as well? Not to mention the talk of Hanguang Jun's long lost son...

Those wishing to gawk, however, should have gotten up early, for the Lan delegation is one of the first to arrive. Xichen is indeed there, along with the chief cultivator and, of course, the incorrigible Wei Wuxian, and they climb the steps of Lanling followed by a column of young men, clad in pristine white and walking two by two in perfect step.

And at the head of that column, walking beside his sworn brother, is a young man whose serene expression perfectly hides the turmoil in his heart, and he can't help but be reminded that the last time he was here everything was different.

Comments

[young_mistress]

Jingyi almost looks offended that Yuan is getting all of Fairy's attention until his gaze lifts to meet Zizhen's. The dog is forgotten and he stares at the beautiful boy looking back at him. How could anyone look so handsome and pretty all at once? Slowly he remembers the reason he's here and looks to his brother- with difficulty.

Jin Ling stares. Yuan looks even lovelier than he had earlier for some reason. Of all ways to endear the young sect leader to him, Yuan picks being sweet to his dog. It reminds Ling instantly of the few times he'd seen the two together and Yuan had always treated his dear animal with such respect and affection. He also remembers when they'd kissed on the sofa and Fairy had scared him by sniffing at his feet.

He struggles to find words either but his eyes slip down the beautiful boy's form. They reach Yuan's hands and linger. Oh.. Yuan isn't wearing it. His mother's ring was no where to be seen. His heart sinks and he glances away as he feels hurt. Obviously, it wouldn't still mean anything to Yuan. That had been a long time ago and he'd clearly given it away or put it in a drawer to be forgotten- something where he wouldn't have to be bothered with it anymore.

He summons his very best neutral expression and bows to his guests. "Lan Jingyi, Lan Yuan, please join us. We were just discussing the tournament tomorrow. I have liquor out but I can make tea if you'd prefer." He might as well be addressing any of the Lan disciples he might happen to know the name of rather than two of his closest friends.

Jingyi bows back, but looks at Zizhen uncertain. That hadn't sounded quite right. Why were they being so formal?

[notaturnip]

With Yuan's attention so focused on Jin Ling, it's easy to spot where his gaze drifts, to see the flash of disappointment when he looks away, and he suddenly feels a rush of guilt and relf-recrimination for not listening to his brother - he should have put the ring back on, he's an idiot. His hand strays to his chest, where it sits beneath his robes, and he opens his mouth to try and find the words to explain -

But what if he's wrong? What if he misread that look? What if- Jin Ling is already speaking, impersonal and matter-of-fact, and every syllable feels like a knife.

He bows, hoping he can use the move to try and marshal his stricken expression into something more appropriate.

"Liquor is fine, thank you." he answers softly. He needs a drink, now, and they're not in Cloud Recesses...

Zizhen gives Jingyi a distraught look - this isn't how it's supposed to go! They're supposed to... to fall into each other's arms, or even yell until one of them says something that reveals their true feelings, not this careful politeness!

[young_mistress]

He'd been looking so forward to this and suddenly he feels like he's back in the hall in front of all the cultivators. He has to be the host again and careful of whatever he says and does. If he shows weakness now.. he just couldn't. It wasn't fair to Yuan to push expectations on him that he never asked for in the first place. He has a new life- a new family- a world that's left Jin Ling behind. The message was clear given how much that ring had meant to them.. wasn't it?

He has to calculate the risk of appearing physically weak if he got up to get the other glasses or if it would be worse to request they be brought to him like he's some old man. Perhaps he should stop drinking to keep a clearer head. He wasn't free to be himself any longer and maybe he never will be.

He sniffs arrogantly and gestures to Zizhen. "Fetch them the glasses." He can mask his weakness with bravado like he always does. He hates that this inadvertently treats his only friend like a servant, but he doesn't know what else to do.

Jingyi's jaw drops and he bristles. "What's wrong with your legs?" He snaps.

Jin Ling's gaze jerks from Zizhen to Jingyi like he'd just been sucker punched. The hurt is quickly pushed aside by anger and he glares at the Lan. "Lan-gongzi, I advise you not to speak so disrespectfully to me. You're in my sect and being served my liquor."

[notaturnip]

Zizhen, of course, has more than enough experience with Jin Ling's wounded animal routine to understand why he's being so snappy - he debates calling him out on it or just letting him get away with it (for now) but before he can make a decision Jingyi is leaping to his defence and he winces.

He appreciates it, he does, his A-Yi is righteous and fierce and loyal, but... well, he can also act without thinking, and say things that are... more hurtful than even he realises.

"Jingyi..." he says softly, standing quickly so he can step towards the other boy. He doesn't get a chance to try and smooth things over before Jin Ling snaps back and he needs to cut this off quickly because these two can really go at it when they get started...

Yuan takes a step back, unable to keep the pain and guilt from his face. This is his fault. More people arguing because of him - good friends who care about each other.

He, of course, has not known the two of them as long as Zizhen, hasn't actually seen the way they bicker - or worse - so easily, all he sees is people driven to conflict that wouldn't be if he wasn't there.

"I should- I never should have-" he starts "I'm sorry I didn't-"

He takes another step back, almost ready to bolt.

[young_mistress]

Jin Ling would've apologized once the other two were gone. He hates to treat his friend poorly, especially after how supportive he'd been with his condition. He just.. he didn't know how else to save face. Of course, that was now far from his mind as he is faced with Jingyi picking the worst moment to get defensive- and worst retort.

Ling's focus shifts to Yuan the moment he looks distraught. Oh no! No! That's not at all what he wanted! He has to stop him before.. no! He's threatening to leave!

"Yuan-!" He gasps, a bit too quietly. It's painful, but he scrambles to his feet. It isn't nearly as swift or as smooth as the motion should be, but all Jin Ling sees is the back of white robes and dark hair leaving him again. He tries to take a step forward, but one of his legs buckle. Cursing, he tries to grab for his cane, but it's still leaning against the table where he left it.

The 'great' Jin Ling, after all his effort today, lands on his hands and knees ungracefully in front of his friends.

Jingyi stares, realizing now just how unfair his comment had been. He feels a wave of guilt, but he's also feeling even worse about making Yuan so uncomfortable. He puts his hand over his mouth and watches in disbelief.

[notaturnip]

Yuan thinks he hears Jin Ling calling after him, but maybe it's just his mind playing tricks, making him hear what he wants to hear. He doesn't stop, he just runs, taking each turn as he finds it and getting hopelessly lost but barely wanting to pause to slow down. It's not until he hears a bark that makes him stumble that he forces himself to stop, unsure what courtyard or garden he's found himself in, no idea how to get back where he came from.

There's a pagoda here, and he flops down inside it, the short walls high enough to obscure him from anybody who might pass. The reason for the bark is quickly obvious as Fairy appears in front of him, and he reaches out to curl his arms around the dog, burying his face in her fur to muffle the sobs he can't stop from coming. He feels like he's ruined everything.

Back in Jin Ling's rooms, Zizhen has already darted towards his friend, but flopping down beside him and not making a big deal isn't going to help this time. Instead, he thinks quickly, thrusts his hand out towards Jin Ling. He's going to have to accept the help, there's more important things at stake.

"You have to go after him." he's not going to say anything about the fall, not even going to draw Jingyi's attention to it (it's not like he could miss it), instead he wants to distract Jin Ling from wallowing in shame and self-pity by pushing him into action, even if that might seem callous.

[young_mistress]

It takes a moment before Jin Ling's equilibrium catches up with him. He is glad these robes are thick, since it'll prevent him from having skinned knees on top of everything else. Nothing was going to spare his pride though. Perhaps surprisingly, he reaches out to take Zizhen's hand when it's offered.

"I was trying!" He grumbles at the push. He scowls and looks at Jingyi. "Why'd you have to go and make a big deal about that?"

"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry, Ling! B- but you're going after him, right? I should if you do-"

"You've done enough!" He snaps and once he's on his feet, he turns and snatches the scepter- which Jingyi now realizes is a cane- and starts toward the door.

Jingyi looks at Zizhen guiltily. "I didn't mean to.. I'm sorry.. I messed this whole thing up!"

Outside, Jin Ling looks around before whistling. He listens for Fairy, but doesn't wait. He hurries as quick as he can further into the gardens. There were so many directions he could've gone though.. this could be hopeless!

Fairy's eyes perk up, but she stays right where she is while Yuan cries. At least, for now.

[notaturnip]

Zizhen nods approvingly as Jin Ling leaves, though as soon as he's gone he's quick to move to Jingyi's side and wrap his arms around him tightly.

"You didn't mess anything up," he promises "you made a mistake, and... well actually, it was probably a good mistake! That was kind of dramatic but... isn't it better that they did something? Better that Ling is going after him and that they'll talk properly, instead of being horribly formal at each other and both stupidly deciding they have to hide the fact they're still in love?"

He smiles encouragingly, kissing Jingyi on the forehead.

"And besides," he jokes "now we get to be alone."

~~~

It's probably the longest Yuan has ever cried over something since he was a child - he spent so many years being too pragmatic to really cry. It never helped, all it did was make you thirsty and tired - or blotchy, and nobody wanted to see that. It's stupid, he thinks, that this is what makes him break down. Everything he's been through and now he can't even handle somebody not being in love with him? Pathetic.

Except It's not that simple and he knows it.

Still, he forces himself to let go of Fairy, to fish a handkerchief from his sleeve and wipe his eyes, smiling despite himself when the spiritual dog turns and licks his cheek.

Only then she turns and runs off with a bark and his shoulders slump again.

He needs to call upon that old resolve, he knows he does, needs to harden his heart, stand up and find his way back to his rooms and... and he doesn't know what next, but he's used to that. The next thing right now, that's all he needs.

He just can't bring himself to move... right now...

[young_mistress]

Jingyi considers this new perspective and finds himself nodding. It was better to think he might've helped than continue blaming himself for hurting his friend. He curls closer against Zizhen and smiles softly when he's kissed. "Yeah, you're right.. someone needed to say something." Though maybe not something that would embarrass Jin Ling like he had. He just hadn't realized how poor his condition was.

With a slight sniffle as he tries to let go of his guilt, he lifts his head to return the kiss only to Zizhen's lips instead. A part of Jingyi wanted to ask why their friends had been acting that way, but any motivation to stop kissing in order to do that dwindles rapidly. He loops his arms around Zizhen's shoulders and eagerly deepens the kiss.

~~~

Determined to find Yuan, Jin Ling pushes himself to move faster and further than normally. If he were thinking about it, he might even be impressed that he could do this much. Had his doctors been making him hold back more than he realized? It wasn't important now. Nothing was except finding Yuan.

Fortunate this task suddenly becomes much easier when Fairy bursts out from a bush and starts guiding him. The click of his cane is the only warning as Jin Ling's dog takes him to the pagoda. He holds out his hand to touch the side of it as he rounds the corner. His heartbreaks into pieces as his eyes fall on the sweet boy with tears streaming down his face.

He's such a fool! It shouldn't have mattered that Yuan stopped wearing his mother's ring. He just wants the boy to be happy and he should've focused on that alone. Cautiously, he moves forward to sit by Yuan's side. He's worried if he moves too fast or invades the new Lan's space too much he'll run away again.

"Yuan.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.. I was trying to.." Gods, what does he even say to explain himself here? Zizhen would have something romantic and sweet to say here. He probably would've written it a dozen of times while he was apart from his love so it would come perfectly when needed. Jin Ling.. uses a different approach. "Where the hell have you been?!"

That is so not what he wanted to say.

[notaturnip]

"Exactly." Zizhen agrees, pleased that he's been able to soothe Jingyi's worries.

He's especially pleased when it earns him more kisses, and maybe he should have said something else or encouraged him to talk more but now they're kissing and why should they stop? They have a lot of kisses to make up for.

He sighs happily against Jingyi's lips and abandons himself to the sensation.

~~~

It takes Yuan a moment to register what the clicking noise even is, so when Ling suddenly appears, with Fairy at his side, his initial reaction is to gasp.

Well, now he understands why Fairy left.

He isn't sure how to react, exactly, it feels like the opposite of his intention in running away, but he can't bring himself to move, can't run away again knowing Jin Ling has come after him. He waits silently as the other boy sits next to him, searching for the right words.

It's clearly not a unique dilemma, but his resolve to put distance between himself and Ling crumbles the moment he says I'm sorry. Somehow knowing they're both struggling is all he really needs. His hand strays to his chest, to where the ring sits beneath the fabric, and he wonders if he did see what he thought he did, earlier, and if he should say something.

Then he's being yelled at and he blinks, startled.

"...Cloud recesses...?" He's been there the whole time. Did Jin Ling not... know? But surely he did, it was his idea to go!

[young_mistress]

Jin Ling ignores the dumb answer and wraps his arms around Yuan instead. He draws the other boy close, unable to resist one second longer.

“Yuan.. that’s not.. I just meant.. I’ve missed you.” This isn’t at all what a sect leader should say or do. If others overheard this then there would no doubt be gossip about him being weak and childish but he couldn’t keep fighting this- not when he’s finally gotten to see Yuan again.

[notaturnip]

There's a split second where Yuan is frozen in surprise, but then everything comes crashing down on him - the longing, the pain, the hurt and guilt and confusion, the one tiny piece of the puzzle that has been missing since the moment he left Lotus Pier and is now finally, finally clicking back into place.

Lan propriety can go to hell. He flings his arms around Jin Ling and buries his face in his shoulder (thankfully, quite by chance, the uninjured one) and feels the urge to cry. Again.

He doesn't, though, he holds it off in favour of just breathing in the familiar scent he's so dreadfully missed - it's silly, he thinks, to have gotten so attached so quickly, but at the same time it feels absolutely correct.

"I've missed you too. I'm so sorry." He says, muffled against Jin Ling's robes.

[young_mistress]

He isn't sure what he expected. There's certainly a part of him that thinks he might get shoved off or even slapped. There's that very brief pause, but it's hardly noticed. He's so busy being stunned by his own actions that he can't really blame Yuan for it either!

His world that has felt off ever since he left Yuan's side in Lotus Pier realigns as arms curl around him. The heart he'd felt might be shattered beyond repair heal the instant he speaks. He presses a kiss to the top of Yuan's head and his grip gets just a little tighter around the boy.

"I'm sorry, A-Yuan. I couldn't write for a while and when I could, I just, I thought about how you had this new life and new family and I didn't want you to have to remember your past. I thought it'd only make you sad or hurt.. or embarrassed to remember me. Then you were here today and.." His thoughts were reeling in his head making it difficult to find exactly what he was trying to say. "I'm still afraid you might get hurt because of me."

[notaturnip]

He almost laughs, it's so ridiculously familiar - stuck not being able to write and then too worried about hurting the other to do so, and all the while making them both miserable.

He pulls back a little, just enough so he can look at Ling, but barely loosening the grip of his arms - it made him feel anchored to be this close to him again, makes everything feel just a little steadier.

"I couldn't write either, for a bit," he thinks, perhaps, for the same reason - and he wishes those who knew had just told him. He understands they were just trying to help, but it's hard to think about how hurt Jin Ling might have been while he was off studying... and getting stabbed, just a little.

"Then I... you hadn't written and I thought... I thought it would hurt you, or burden you, if I wrote... I thought maybe if I worked hard on my cultivation I could... I could be..." he voice trails off slightly, the final word coming in a whisper as he gives voice to something he's barely even admitted to himself "worthy..."

Worthy of Jin Ling, of his parents, his new position, his friends...

"I was... I was scared, and I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you..."

[young_mistress]

The same absurd logic is dawning on Jin Ling too. They'd been so careful that they'd ended up staying away and not communicating for no reason at all! Neither of their feelings had changed, they were just being overly sensitive and trying to predict what the other one needed from them while being miserable and stupid in the meantime. He's not as disciplined as Yuan. He breathes a soft, exasperated laugh.

"Worthy?" The word catches his heart like a sharp fisherman's hook. It hurts to know that was a concern of the other boy's when even standing in those risqué blue robes and painted lips, Jin Ling had already been head over heels for him.

He remembers then what Zizhen told him to say. He couldn't. He shouldn't. He..

"I still love you. Will you marry me?"

[notaturnip]

Yuan shrugs awkwardly, about to try and explain himself when suddenly all coherent thought is robbed from his mind and his eyes get as wide as dinner plates. Did Ling actually just...???

"A-Ling..." he says breathlessly "I- Of course I want- But you're...." the leader of one of the most influential clans in the land, the single most eligible bachelor on the market right now, someone with allies, relatives and friends in almost every major clan...

Someone who can do what the hell he wants, really, when you think about it. Oh, there are limits, and it's going to have to be handled well to be looked upon favourably, but he has a lot of power, and Yuan... Yuan is a disciple of the Lan clan, the heir to the Lan clan, the Chief Cultivator's son. If he keeps repeating it to himself maybe one day he'll actually believe it, because despite his beginnings - no. Despite where he spent his childhood, that's who he is now, and he is a perfectly worthy match.

"I want to. I- could we really?" the self doubt that threatens his resolve struggles to hold up against those words. I still love you. If he has Ling's love, does anything else really matter?

[young_mistress]

Jin Ling's smile is brilliantly bright as he hears Yuan's response. He understands the uncertainty. It doesn't bother him at all. He can easily tell the difference between what Yuan wants and what he is worried about for propriety-sake. It's the same with his own, after all.

He shrugs and laughs. "We'll just make Zizhen figure out how we do this. He 'knows the story', but I'm pretty sure I just have to know you're interested and go talk to your fathers about properly courting you."

Sitting back a little more so he can appreciate the Lan's cute face. He traces his thumb gently along his cheek. Leaning in, he presses another kiss to soft lips he'd missed so terribly. As random a place as this was, it seems kind of perfect now that he thinks about it. Moonlight, a secluded but lovely part of the gardens, just the two of them.. maybe Zizhen really did know what he was talking about with those novels.

When he draws back again he's still smiling. "We should've warned you before. Jingyi and I always bicker when we're together. I don't know what it is and we are friends, but we just always end up arguing about something."

[notaturnip]

He sighs helplessly against that soft press of lips, hardly daring to believe it could be this simple. It's not, of course, it's terribly complicated, but right now it doesn't feel like it - it actually feels like everything just got easier.

He ducks his head a little sheepishly at the reassurance about him and Jingyi.

"I was so worried... people keep fighting because of me and I knew you were friends I thought..." he laughs slightly, embarrassed for thinking it was all about him "I'm relieved. I'm sorry, too, didi speaks without thinking sometimes... but I suppose you already know that."

He gasps, then, and pulls one of his hands away, reaching to his collar and fishing beneath it for the chain.

"Oh! He said I should- I noticed, earlier, when you looked for it and-" he tugs the chain out from under his robes so Jin Ling can see the ring hanging from it "I always wear it. Always. It's just... jewellery is against the rules..."

[young_mistress]

No, life with Jin Ling was never going to be that simple. They were going to be two sect leaders eventually and will have to split their time between their realms. There was going to be friction from some of the elders (again in both clans) over them selecting a male partner when they should have wives to produce children. There was going to continue to be attempts to get one or both of them out of the way because of their position. And there would always be family drama, particularly with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng in the mix.

All of that didn't matter though. It would be worth every headache as long as they were together. He's already thinking about what gift to bring to Yuan's fathers when asking for permission to court.

He rolls his eyes with a laugh at Yuan's understatement. Yes, he certainly knew of Jingyi's tendency to blurt out things. "It's fine. He thought he was protecting Zizhen." He's sure his Ouyang friend has straightened out whatever misunderstanding still remained there.

He's about to explain why he had asked/ demanded arrogantly Zizhen get the glasses when Yuan is suddenly distracted and moving. He moves back a bit to give him room and watching curiously. His jaw drops as he sees the ring- his mother's ring- appear out of no where. Yuan kept it? It wasn't lost or in a box or somewhere forgotten? It was right there next to Yuan's heart where he 'always wears it'.

"Fuck the rules! You should wear that proudly!" He finds himself saying before he can think of something smarter and better to say. He flushes as his brain catches up with his mouth. "Er.. I mean.. I can't believe you kept it! I thought maybe when I didn't see it that uh.. you know, you'd.. moved on?"

[notaturnip]

Yuan giggles at his exclamation, unable to resist leaning in to plant another quick kiss on his lips. Gods but he has missed this man.

He kisses him again at the uncertainty, soft and reassuring, his fingers curled around the ring on its chain.

"Never." he promises softly "There isn't anybody else, there couldn't be, I left my heart with you."

[young_mistress]

Oh! That giggle! He’s missed it so much! He doesn’t understand how it sounds so cute and innocent when anyone else would annoy him. Maybe all those spoiled ladies his clan has been parading in front of him just weren’t Yuan.

He can’t think of anything else that needs said. All the agonizing wait was over. Somehow the gods had answered his prayers. He kisses Yuan with no intentions of ever letting him go again.

As his hands slide greedily along Yuan’s back, one lifts to his shoulder. He doesn’t have the same luck yuan did earlier and his hand unfortunately lands right on his wound.

[notaturnip]

It doesn't really bother him as much these days, but it's been a long day of travelling and cold and stress and exerting himself and it's twinging just a little more than usual, so when Ling's hand presses against it in just the wrong spot he can't help it, he flinches - and the flinch triggers a quick flash of pain that makes him hiss between his teeth.

"I- I'm sorry," He apologises quickly, forcing himself to relax and lean back in, pressing his lips to Ling's again like he can make him forget what just happened.

He doesn't even think about it, and he doesn't mean it that way, but it's a trick he learned at the Golden Hare - if you ever accidentally let your real emotions show, find a way to brush it off and distract them.

[young_mistress]

“Hey,” he says gently, drawing back from the kiss- a very difficult feat! He’d felt the flinch under his hand and the change in breath against his lips. There was no hiding Ling had done something wrong, though it broke his heart a little that Yuan would try. “What is it, love? Did I hurt you?”

He looks at where his hands had been trying to clear his mind enough to guess where the injury was. “Talk to me.”

[notaturnip]

He realises, belatedly, what he'd tried to do, and feels a rush of emotion - shame, that he'd acted that way, mingled with a strange joy at the realisation that he didn't have to do that anymore. He could be honest with Ling. He feels a little hesitant, though, knowing that his love isn't going to like what he hears.

"It's not your fault..." he starts softly "It's just an injury... that's... that's the reason I couldn't write for a while. It's fine now, mostly, but sometimes it still twinges a little..."

He doesn't realise, yet, that it's almost a perfect mirror to Ling's own shoulder wound.

[young_mistress]

Jin Ling frowns as he listens, feeling a wave of nausea. How close had he come to losing Yuan? How could no one tell him?

His hands slip down to Yuan’s and laces their fingers together. “How did it happen? Who hurt you?” He tries to keep his tone even, but he’s going to tear whoever it was apart! Then he’s going to turn on whoever was responsible for keeping the previous boy safe and failed!