untamedbox | Brothel Meme: Part 3

The first day of the tournament dawns bright and clear in Lanling - there's a chill in the air that speaks of the coming winter, but the sky is clear and the sun is bright and the day promises to warm long before any of the events actually start. It's an auspicious morning.

Officially, the tournament is being hosted by four clans - Jin, Jiang, Nie and Ouyang - but everybody knows this is Jin Ling's time to shine. This is the young clan leader's first official public appearance since the attempt on his life, and though his people have seen him several times, rumours have been rife amongst the cultivation community - the tournament is to be well attended, the visitors all expecting to confirm the rumours or dispel them.

There's talk, too, that Jiang Cheng's involvement in the planning is largely to try and repair his own damaged reputation, and Ouyang are there to strengthen their own ties with the Jin clan rather than improve their shaky relationship with the Jiang. Nobody's quite sure why the Nie clan are involved at all, though recently a few more rumours have surfaced about recent 'planning' trips to Lotus Pier...

In short, the gossip is everywhere and everybody who is anybody wants to be there to find out the truth.

It's the grandest tournament to have been held in quite some time - days of feasting and competition intended to bestow glory and accolades upon the greatest cultivators in the land. The Lan clan are not known, of course, to seek such things, but they similarly would not shy away from the chance to prove their worth and put their students to the test.

There are yet more rumours that Lan Xichen himself will be attending - it is known that the clan leader has come out of his seclusion, but he hasn't yet left Cloud Recesses, could this be his first public appearance as well? Not to mention the talk of Hanguang Jun's long lost son...

Those wishing to gawk, however, should have gotten up early, for the Lan delegation is one of the first to arrive. Xichen is indeed there, along with the chief cultivator and, of course, the incorrigible Wei Wuxian, and they climb the steps of Lanling followed by a column of young men, clad in pristine white and walking two by two in perfect step.

And at the head of that column, walking beside his sworn brother, is a young man whose serene expression perfectly hides the turmoil in his heart, and he can't help but be reminded that the last time he was here everything was different.

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Zizhen just grins at Jin Ling, waiting a moment until nobody else is paying attention so he can lean over to Jingyi.

"Jin Ling just invited me to go meet him, you should come too. You should both come." He whispers - and he hasn't actually had that much to drink, so he's sober enough that it is a whisper. He doesn't know if the Lans will be 'allowed' to come, so he wants to keep it subtle to give them a chance to slip away rather than officially being forbidden.

His father calls him then, and he glances over his shoulder regretfully - he knows it won't be difficult for him to slip away (or make his excuses), but if he keeps his parents waiting now they're going to be in a bad mood, so he gives Jingyi a longing glance and steps away.

"His rooms. As soon as you can." he says quietly just before he goes, then trails after his parents and out to their guest rooms.

It isn't very long after Ling arrives that Zizhen slips into the room - not bothering to knock, there's no point standing on ceremony these days. They're closer now, after last time, even without him being able to visit in the intervening months.

He takes one look at his friend's face and wonders if he should have called for more liquor. He also wonders if he should have invited the others after all, but that thought gets dismissed immediately - of course he should have.

"Want to talk about it?" He offers, since they aren't here yet, crossing to sit at the table with him.

~~~

Huaisang laughs against his lips as he's scooped up, flinging his arms around Cheng's shoulders and kissing him back passionately. It hasn't even been that long since they saw each other last, but it still feels like too long.

Meanwhile, Wuxian is wondering if he should go and find Cheng once they're settled in their rooms - he did offer a drink, after all.

"He did?" Jingyi asks mystified. Do they have some kind of technique that can send messages without a word? He looks around but only sees Jin Ling disappearing through a doorway. He nods eagerly. They'll definitely come! He doesn't bother asking Sizhui if he wants to come- they're going!

His smile vanishes though when Zizhen's parents call to him. He worries this means the plan is off, but the extra encouragement is enough for him. "Come on, gege! Let's go freshen up first. Hanguang Jun? May we go back to our room please?"

Lan Zhan looks back at them- like he hadn't already heard everything- and nods. To Jingyi's dismay though, the older man gets up and looks at them expectantly. Oh.. was Hanguang Jun coming too? Awkward.

~~~

Jiang Cheng carefully brings Huaisang to the bed and slips his hand under his robe. His eyebrows rise when he feels skin above his boots. He keeps sliding his hand upward and still only feels hot, silky skin. This is the hottest thing he's ever witnessed! Drawing back, he stares down at his lover with smoldering eyes. "You obeyed? With everyone.. gods A-Sang! I'd marry you right this second if I could!"

He quickly pushes back the black and gold robes, almost frantic to get to his lovers body underneath. Neither of them were sleeping tonight!

~~~

Ling looks up startled when he hears Zizhen's voice. He smiles ruefully at his friend and picks up the liquor bottle and a glass to pour him a drink. "I'm sure you can guess.." He replies. "It's been quite a while since I've seen him. I wasn't even sure if he'd come at all."

He lifts his own cup in a quiet toast and drinks it. "What am I supposed to say to him?"

Edited Date: 2022-06-20 04:49 pm (UTC)

Yuan just looks slightly panicked, in truth - he's trying his best to hide it but the fear and anticipation are at war within him.

Wuxian looks between his husband and their son (sons, really, since they've basically adopted Jingyi at this point, and they're certainly more present than the boy's actual parents) and contemplates, for a moment, the best course of action. Jingyi is not terribly subtle and his concern is obvious, especially if you know what to look for, so it's a decision between whether he takes pity on Yuan - who at the very least doesn't think he's ready for this - or on Jingyi.

"Lan Zhan," he drawls his husband's name, draping himself across his shoulders "Will you come find Jiang Cheng with me? He promised a drink."

See the things he does for you boys? He's going to put Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng in the same room, just for you!

Of course, he's leaving the decision in Lan Zhan's hands - the invitation is a subtle hint to perhaps leave the boys to it, but it's open enough that he can refuse or defer in case he already had something else in mind.

~~~

Huaisang leans back far enough to watch Cheng's face as that hand dips beneath his robes. He revels in the feel of his lover's calloused palm running over his bare skin, but he particularly revels in that expression in his eyes when he realises that Huaisang just spent the entire banquet sitting beside him with no underwear.

"But of course, my love..." he replies innocently, though wicked delight sparkles in his eyes "why wouldn't I obey?"

He laughs at Cheng's eagerness, moving to help remove his belt to make things a little easier. The sheer desire still makes him giddy.

"Soon." he adds, because he can barely stand to wait any longer himself "I think we can perhaps get away with revealing our relationship at some point this week, or shortly after."

Long enough has passed that it's not too untoward - and perhaps it will convince the Ouyang clan to finally back off.

~~~

Zizhen toasts him silently, listening as he sips at his own cup.

"I still love you, will you marry me?" he suggests - perhaps a touch more flippantly than he would if totally sober, but he still means it - Ling is still in love with Yuan, it's obvious, so why waste time now that they have the chance at happiness they were denied before?

Besides, it's probably a good idea that Ling lays his claim now - Sizhui is the perfect young master in his Lan robes, and more than one young woman (or man) had taken notice of him as he sat at the banquet. Word had spread beyond Cloud Recesses that Zewu Jun had a new heir, and all it took was a passing familiarity with the usual disciples who attended these events to spot the newcomer amongst them. Once he was properly introduced and people knew he was the heir? Was Hanguang Jun's son? They'd be falling over themselves to court him.

That, however, is not something that Zizhen is going to bring up right now. Maybe later, if he needs to force Jin Ling's hand.

"Seriously, though," he says, softening slightly "I don't think it's so much important what you say to him, it's important that you talk at all. You'll never work this out if you don't say a word."

Lan Zhan frowns at his husband's suggestion. It wasn't really because he has an issue with leaving the boys alone for their socializing. He just doesn't want anything to do with Cheng! However, before he says that, he spies Jingyi looking at him with pleading eyes. He sighs and finally nods.

Reaching out, he places a hand on Yuan's arm. He hopes his nervousness will be soothed soon. "Watch over your gege," he tells Jingyi. The young man nods, taking the responsibility seriously.

"I will! I promise!" Jingyi smiles at Yuan. Wait.. did this mean Lan Zhan knows what they're doing besides going back to their room? He isn't sure, but he snatches Yuan's hand and tugs on it to hurry them out of there.

As they leave, Lan Zhan's attention slips back to his husband. "Will you speak to Jiang-zongzhu about his rude behavior earlier?"

~~~

He shrugs out of his robes and lets the silk fall, slipping off the side of the bed. His arms wrap possessively around the Nie clan leader's torso. Rolling him onto his back, he presses his hips in between Huaisang's knees.

"It must be this week!" Cheng declares as he kisses down Huaisang's neck. "I can't wait a moment longer."

Every time they part it feels like a part of his soul goes as well. There's an empty, cold place where it used to be and it never feels right until they're reunited. He needed Huaisang with him always and have some assurance that he won't be one more person to abandon him.

~~~

Jin Ling chokes on the liquor and laughs. He's missed Zizhen!

"You're crazy! There's no way he'd want that now." If he did, wouldn't he have found a way to tell Jin Ling more? Wouldn't he have said something.. well, maybe he couldn't have during the banquet, but he could've done something. A note? A furtive look? Something subtle and maybe sent through Zizhen himself. If Yuan had wanted to reach out to him, he would've.

"I'm part of the life he left behind."

He'd murder anyone who tried to court him though..

"I won't be able to win any of the tournaments for him." He still might try with his sword or the hunting, but the area he'd been most talented he was most weak. "It'll never be safe for him to be with me either."

Wuxian bites back his laughter - it's easier when he looks at Yuan, his expression softening into something warm and reassuring. Yuan gives them both a hesitant, grateful smile. At least he knows he has them, no matter what - it's scary, sometimes, the sheer depth of their love and acceptance, but it's encouraging too.

He allows himself to be tugged away, though the urge to drag his feet is strong - the closer they get to actually seeing Jin Ling in a semi-private setting, the more nervous he feels.

Wuxian drags his gaze away from the retreating boys and nods firmly, leaning in to give his husband a kiss - propriety be damned, it's not like there's really anyone still here anyway.

"I will, don't you worry. You also don't actually have to come with me."

~~~

Huaisang drops his head back, moaning slightly at the press of hips and Cheng's lips on his skin - he doesn't think he'll ever not adore this. His every touch feels like fire in the best way - is it love, that makes it burn so strongly? Is he simply particularly skilled? Huaisang truthfully doesn't know, but he never wants it to stop.

He laughs breathlessly at the declaration, fingers winding into Cheng's hair.

"This week, my wolf, I swear it."

~~~

Zizhen raises an incredulous eyebrow - Jin Ling may have only had fleeting glances with Yuan, but Zizhen could see both of them every time they looked at one another, and there was nothing, nothing about Yuan's expression that indicated his feelings had in any way changed.

Not to mention the way that Jingyi had spoken suggested they hadn't, as well.

"You're not! You're the thing that brought him to the life he was supposed to live! Not thing, person, you know what I mean!" He declares dramatically "And he's hardly the type to care about winning tournaments, or safety for that matter, the only reason he left was because he was convinced it was safer for you, and if you're both going to hurt yourselves just trying to keep each other safe well then.. that's... that's stupid because you're safer together! Looking out for each other!"

He flounders for a moment, trying to find the way to express what he's feeling, the certainty he has in his bones.

"It has to be the two of you! That's how the story is supposed to go!"

"I know he's not- though he should-, but I can't start courting someone without a show the community. This isn't just about him it's about respecting his clan and showing the value of the Jin clan. There has to be gifts presented to his family.. all that." He sighs, wishing it was easier. There had been something very nice about having complete control in the situation when Yuan first arrived. Neither of them had anyone else they had to answer to and could work out what they wanted between each other. Now with clans and family and society, everyone would be watching like they always are.

He doesn't love being told it's stupid for them not to get together, but Zizhen certainly had a point too. "I couldn't keep you safe," he points out. "That's why you haven't been allowed back, isn't it? Your father has been keeping you home because of what happened to you while you were here with me."

As he listens about how the 'story' is supposed to go, he frowns. "What are you talking about? What story?"

~~~

Lan Zhan's head spins just a little at the kiss. He doesn't bother even looking around afterward to see who witnessed it. He was with his spouse and he really didn't care. His lips curl upward when he's told he doesn't really have to join Wuxian to see his brother.

"I should make sure Xichen is alright," he says quietly. However, he leans in and gives Wei Ying one more small kiss before stepping away. "You won't be too late?"

~~~

Jingyi wastes no time getting them back to their room and over to the basin to wash their face and hands. "Do you want to change into clean robes?" He offers. The silk wasn't dusty or anything but they'd traveled quite a bit that day. "Are you excited gege? We're finally going to get to see him!"

He points at the ring hidden under Sizhui's robe. "Are you going to put that on where he can see it?"

Zizhen would like to point out Jin Ling's own uncle, who hadn't been letting any of that stuff stop him from going for what he wants, but he also doesn't think Jin Ling would accept the 'just do it in secret until you can do it properly' answer - and, truthfully, he'd probably also agree that Yuan kind of deserves to be courted properly.

Before he can decide exactly how to handle that, though, Ling is making an unfortunately accurate point, and he winces slightly.

"Sort of...." he admits "but it's also just about the attempts in general, he just got super paranoid that's all! And it wasn't your job to keep me safe! I knew somebody was out to get you and we could only be sure something was safe if Liling brought it, that wasn't your fault at all! And! And! You did keep me safe because who had the antidote ready, huh? You saved my life."

It's a semi-familiar argument at this point, though the phrasing of it is slightly different every time, but Zizhen will argue until he's blue in the face that Ling saved him that night, rather than being the one to put him in danger.

His righteous indignation deflates, however, at the question about the story and he suddenly looks even more embarrassed.

"Just..you know... if..." he trails off awkwardly, and then stares down at the table, not quite able to meet Ling's eyes as he continues "if this was a novel that's how it would end..."

Look, fine, he reads too many novels okay? But sometimes real life gets to be like the stories, doesn't it?

~~~

Wuxian nods, accepting the excuse easily - this is Xichen's first big event since coming out of seclusion, after all, and being back here in Lanling is probably not easy. It would be good to check in on him and make sure he isn't just moping by himself.

"Tell him I hope he's alright, too." He says - he does genuinely care about his brother-in-law after all "I promise I won't be too late."

~~~

"Yes, we should change..." he decides. It's appropriate, and proper, and falling into those now-familiar rules is strangely comforting, a way to ground the nervous energy that's threatening to overtake him.

Besides, changing his robes gives him an excuse to not quite look at his sworn brother when he asks if he's excited - he is, he thinks, at least a part of him is, he's been longing for this moment for so long he can hardly believe it's actually here, but he's also terrified.

"I'm..." he trails off, uncertain - not quite gathering his thoughts to give them voice when the follow up question is asked, and his hand automatically strays to where the ring lays against his chest. He thinks about it for a moment, and shakes his head.

"I don't... I don't want to make him uncomfortable, if... if things have changed he may not like that I still wear it..." he might ask for it back.

Yuan knows, of course, that he would hand over in a heartbeat if that's what Jin Ling wanted, but he can't deny it would be the final blow to his already battered heart.

It was that very uncle Jin Ling is particularly worried about. He knows it's not Yuan's fault but his own for the rift between the two. However, convincing Jiang Cheng to forgive someone is a very difficult task. Logically, he knows his uncle is wrong and the reason for his bull-headedness is because he's overly protective and has had to work hard to rebuild his own reputation. Jin Ling just wishes whenever he spoke of Yuan it didn't immediately bring up those memories for his jiujiu.

He listens to Zizhen, noting where he seems to have deflated. He relents and gives his friend a smile. "I've missed you and your obnoxious optimism, Zizhen-xiong. It's your best and worst quality," he teases. He doesn't really believe that. He sees Zizhen's perspective refreshing and it has kept him from falling into depression a number of times since his attack.

As he chuckles, he rolls his shoulder to ease some of the dull ache there. "Anyway, what about you? Are you going to dedicate any wins to Jingyi?"

~~~

It's hard to know how to support his brother properly when this situation was so unique. He wants to be there for Yuan and he wants to help however he can. He just.. wasn't sure what that was. As he gets out fresh robes for them and lays them out on their bed, he thinks about their options.

He's reminded about what Zizhen said in the garden about what he hadn't been able to share before. He'd said he'd kept it to himself to keep Yuan from worrying. Should Jingyi do the same now? Was there already enough pressure not to add that to the mix or would it help?

"Um.. gege? I uh.. I don't think he's changed his mind. I think there's just been a lot of other things going on and you know he's been trying to keep you safe by not involving you. I think.. maybe.. maybe we should've written to him before." Maybe. He knows he should've at least.

Zizhen just grins at him, unashamedly - this is one of the many reasons he adores his friends, the reason that Jin Ling has his loyalty even at his grumpiest, because he appreciates those parts Zizhen that other people seem to find annoying or tiresome. When he calls Zizhen obnoxious, or the worst, he knows he doesn't really mean it, and that more often than not it actually means the opposite.

"I've missed you too, Jin Ling." He says back genuinely, though his eyes stray to his shoulder and he really wants to ask if the recovery really is going that well and- he's very neatly distracted by the question.

"I'm hoping to win the poetry contest." he confides "I mean, of course, I'm going to try and win some of the martial competitions and all my wins will be dedicated to him but... the poem is special."

~~~

Yuan doesn't know whether to allow the hope or to try and stop it, to keep himself from disappointment. Hope is something he's gotten used to, in these past few months, one of many things he never would have dared to allow himself before. Now he's not so sure his old ways weren't safer, in some things.

"...Maybe..." he says softly. He does feel guilty for not writing - at first it was about giving Jin Ling his space, not giving anybody any ammunition against him, and then the ill-fated night hunt and his recovery... he'd been hoping to hear from Jin Ling, but by the time he was really properly aware and consistently conscious enough there was nothing, and by then it had started to feel too long, too strange to write after all that time... Now he's wondering if this whole thing would have been easier if he'd just done it.

He hesitates, then carefully tucks the ring away and finishes dressing. He doesn't know if Jingyi is right or not, but he's at least resolved - the only way he's going to find out is by going.

"Alright, I'm ready."

Ling's eyes soften as he hears Zizhen has something special in mind. He is excited for his friend. There would be a wedding soon from at least one of the important people in his life. "Would you feel best to go first or last or somewhere in the middle? I might have some influence over the order." It's a joke, since he suspects Huaisang is a romantic too. It would take no effort at all to support this poem, which is bound to be some sappy love confession.

He wants to ask more, but he freezes and looks up toward his door. Quiet footsteps approach and Fairy's head perks up. She wags her tail though and gets up to greet whoever it is, cluing Ling in that this is a friend the dog knows. He can't decide whether he should stand or if he should remain seated. He's too excited and petrified to make any move, so it's irrelevant.

Could it be? He prays to the gods that the face he sees next is the one that's been branded on his heart.

~~~

"You look lovely as always," Jingyi assures Yuan adoringly. He steps forward and presses the lightest, blind-and-you'll-miss-it kiss on his cheek. As much as he's anxious to see Zizhen again.. and possibly sneak off for more kisses, he knows what this meeting is truly about.

He takes his brother's hand and slips out into the hall. He makes one wrong turn before having to ask a servant which way to Jin Ling's rooms. Eventually though, they're walking up the stairs with the pretty courtyard around them and the scent of fall chrysanthemums heavy in the air. It's a pity they weren't there during peony season, but maybe next spring they could come back! Either way, the garden is full of other gorgeous plants- not that either of them are really noticing them right now.

Jingyi pauses as they reach the door and looks back at Yuan. He gives him an encouraging smile before pushing the door open, not bothering to knock. Fairy is the first to greet them and she gives a friendly little 'arf' before dancing about to get pets from her master's friends. However, instead of being focused on Jingyi, who she knows better, she focuses on Yuan. Master's mate is back!

"Well, I was thinking-" Zizhen starts, but he sees the way Ling freezes and he trails off, glancing to Fairy and then the door - he's surprised he doesn't hear Jingyi's voice, but he can't help the way his heart skips a beat knowing that his beloved might be on the other side of the door.

As much as he knows the moment is for Ling and Yuan, he only has eyes for Jingyi as the two enter - it's barely been half an hour since they parted, and yet he still missed him. He can't wait until the day that half an hour is the longest they ever have to be apart.

(Yes okay he knows that's probably unrealistic)

He doesn't speak, though, not wanting to ruin the moment, instead he just smiles brightly at the other boy.

Yuan finds his attention captured by Fairy almost instantly - it's easier, and gives him a moment to try and push down that fear, so he crouches to give her some affection - she's such a sweet, loyal creature and he honestly adores her, it's good to see her again.

She doesn't take his attention for too long, though, it's only a few moments before he's straightening up again, one hand unconsciously still buried in Fairy's fur almost for reassurance, and finally lifting his gaze to Jin Ling.

This is it, the moment they actually get a chance to speak again, without... well, with an audience, but only of their closest friends, and yet all of a sudden Yuan feels his mouth go dry. He wets his lips nervously, opening his mouth to speak and then closing it again, helplessly.

Zizhen would normally be the one to help in these situations, but he's too busy being smitten.

Jingyi almost looks offended that Yuan is getting all of Fairy's attention until his gaze lifts to meet Zizhen's. The dog is forgotten and he stares at the beautiful boy looking back at him. How could anyone look so handsome and pretty all at once? Slowly he remembers the reason he's here and looks to his brother- with difficulty.

Jin Ling stares. Yuan looks even lovelier than he had earlier for some reason. Of all ways to endear the young sect leader to him, Yuan picks being sweet to his dog. It reminds Ling instantly of the few times he'd seen the two together and Yuan had always treated his dear animal with such respect and affection. He also remembers when they'd kissed on the sofa and Fairy had scared him by sniffing at his feet.

He struggles to find words either but his eyes slip down the beautiful boy's form. They reach Yuan's hands and linger. Oh.. Yuan isn't wearing it. His mother's ring was no where to be seen. His heart sinks and he glances away as he feels hurt. Obviously, it wouldn't still mean anything to Yuan. That had been a long time ago and he'd clearly given it away or put it in a drawer to be forgotten- something where he wouldn't have to be bothered with it anymore.

He summons his very best neutral expression and bows to his guests. "Lan Jingyi, Lan Yuan, please join us. We were just discussing the tournament tomorrow. I have liquor out but I can make tea if you'd prefer." He might as well be addressing any of the Lan disciples he might happen to know the name of rather than two of his closest friends.

Jingyi bows back, but looks at Zizhen uncertain. That hadn't sounded quite right. Why were they being so formal?

With Yuan's attention so focused on Jin Ling, it's easy to spot where his gaze drifts, to see the flash of disappointment when he looks away, and he suddenly feels a rush of guilt and relf-recrimination for not listening to his brother - he should have put the ring back on, he's an idiot. His hand strays to his chest, where it sits beneath his robes, and he opens his mouth to try and find the words to explain -

But what if he's wrong? What if he misread that look? What if- Jin Ling is already speaking, impersonal and matter-of-fact, and every syllable feels like a knife.

He bows, hoping he can use the move to try and marshal his stricken expression into something more appropriate.

"Liquor is fine, thank you." he answers softly. He needs a drink, now, and they're not in Cloud Recesses...

Zizhen gives Jingyi a distraught look - this isn't how it's supposed to go! They're supposed to... to fall into each other's arms, or even yell until one of them says something that reveals their true feelings, not this careful politeness!

He'd been looking so forward to this and suddenly he feels like he's back in the hall in front of all the cultivators. He has to be the host again and careful of whatever he says and does. If he shows weakness now.. he just couldn't. It wasn't fair to Yuan to push expectations on him that he never asked for in the first place. He has a new life- a new family- a world that's left Jin Ling behind. The message was clear given how much that ring had meant to them.. wasn't it?

He has to calculate the risk of appearing physically weak if he got up to get the other glasses or if it would be worse to request they be brought to him like he's some old man. Perhaps he should stop drinking to keep a clearer head. He wasn't free to be himself any longer and maybe he never will be.

He sniffs arrogantly and gestures to Zizhen. "Fetch them the glasses." He can mask his weakness with bravado like he always does. He hates that this inadvertently treats his only friend like a servant, but he doesn't know what else to do.

Jingyi's jaw drops and he bristles. "What's wrong with your legs?" He snaps.

Jin Ling's gaze jerks from Zizhen to Jingyi like he'd just been sucker punched. The hurt is quickly pushed aside by anger and he glares at the Lan. "Lan-gongzi, I advise you not to speak so disrespectfully to me. You're in my sect and being served my liquor."

Zizhen, of course, has more than enough experience with Jin Ling's wounded animal routine to understand why he's being so snappy - he debates calling him out on it or just letting him get away with it (for now) but before he can make a decision Jingyi is leaping to his defence and he winces.

He appreciates it, he does, his A-Yi is righteous and fierce and loyal, but... well, he can also act without thinking, and say things that are... more hurtful than even he realises.

"Jingyi..." he says softly, standing quickly so he can step towards the other boy. He doesn't get a chance to try and smooth things over before Jin Ling snaps back and he needs to cut this off quickly because these two can really go at it when they get started...

Yuan takes a step back, unable to keep the pain and guilt from his face. This is his fault. More people arguing because of him - good friends who care about each other.

He, of course, has not known the two of them as long as Zizhen, hasn't actually seen the way they bicker - or worse - so easily, all he sees is people driven to conflict that wouldn't be if he wasn't there.

"I should- I never should have-" he starts "I'm sorry I didn't-"

He takes another step back, almost ready to bolt.

Jin Ling would've apologized once the other two were gone. He hates to treat his friend poorly, especially after how supportive he'd been with his condition. He just.. he didn't know how else to save face. Of course, that was now far from his mind as he is faced with Jingyi picking the worst moment to get defensive- and worst retort.

Ling's focus shifts to Yuan the moment he looks distraught. Oh no! No! That's not at all what he wanted! He has to stop him before.. no! He's threatening to leave!

"Yuan-!" He gasps, a bit too quietly. It's painful, but he scrambles to his feet. It isn't nearly as swift or as smooth as the motion should be, but all Jin Ling sees is the back of white robes and dark hair leaving him again. He tries to take a step forward, but one of his legs buckle. Cursing, he tries to grab for his cane, but it's still leaning against the table where he left it.

The 'great' Jin Ling, after all his effort today, lands on his hands and knees ungracefully in front of his friends.

Jingyi stares, realizing now just how unfair his comment had been. He feels a wave of guilt, but he's also feeling even worse about making Yuan so uncomfortable. He puts his hand over his mouth and watches in disbelief.

Yuan thinks he hears Jin Ling calling after him, but maybe it's just his mind playing tricks, making him hear what he wants to hear. He doesn't stop, he just runs, taking each turn as he finds it and getting hopelessly lost but barely wanting to pause to slow down. It's not until he hears a bark that makes him stumble that he forces himself to stop, unsure what courtyard or garden he's found himself in, no idea how to get back where he came from.

There's a pagoda here, and he flops down inside it, the short walls high enough to obscure him from anybody who might pass. The reason for the bark is quickly obvious as Fairy appears in front of him, and he reaches out to curl his arms around the dog, burying his face in her fur to muffle the sobs he can't stop from coming. He feels like he's ruined everything.

Back in Jin Ling's rooms, Zizhen has already darted towards his friend, but flopping down beside him and not making a big deal isn't going to help this time. Instead, he thinks quickly, thrusts his hand out towards Jin Ling. He's going to have to accept the help, there's more important things at stake.

"You have to go after him." he's not going to say anything about the fall, not even going to draw Jingyi's attention to it (it's not like he could miss it), instead he wants to distract Jin Ling from wallowing in shame and self-pity by pushing him into action, even if that might seem callous.

It takes a moment before Jin Ling's equilibrium catches up with him. He is glad these robes are thick, since it'll prevent him from having skinned knees on top of everything else. Nothing was going to spare his pride though. Perhaps surprisingly, he reaches out to take Zizhen's hand when it's offered.

"I was trying!" He grumbles at the push. He scowls and looks at Jingyi. "Why'd you have to go and make a big deal about that?"

"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry, Ling! B- but you're going after him, right? I should if you do-"

"You've done enough!" He snaps and once he's on his feet, he turns and snatches the scepter- which Jingyi now realizes is a cane- and starts toward the door.

Jingyi looks at Zizhen guiltily. "I didn't mean to.. I'm sorry.. I messed this whole thing up!"

Outside, Jin Ling looks around before whistling. He listens for Fairy, but doesn't wait. He hurries as quick as he can further into the gardens. There were so many directions he could've gone though.. this could be hopeless!

Fairy's eyes perk up, but she stays right where she is while Yuan cries. At least, for now.

Zizhen nods approvingly as Jin Ling leaves, though as soon as he's gone he's quick to move to Jingyi's side and wrap his arms around him tightly.

"You didn't mess anything up," he promises "you made a mistake, and... well actually, it was probably a good mistake! That was kind of dramatic but... isn't it better that they did something? Better that Ling is going after him and that they'll talk properly, instead of being horribly formal at each other and both stupidly deciding they have to hide the fact they're still in love?"

He smiles encouragingly, kissing Jingyi on the forehead.

"And besides," he jokes "now we get to be alone."

~~~

It's probably the longest Yuan has ever cried over something since he was a child - he spent so many years being too pragmatic to really cry. It never helped, all it did was make you thirsty and tired - or blotchy, and nobody wanted to see that. It's stupid, he thinks, that this is what makes him break down. Everything he's been through and now he can't even handle somebody not being in love with him? Pathetic.

Except It's not that simple and he knows it.

Still, he forces himself to let go of Fairy, to fish a handkerchief from his sleeve and wipe his eyes, smiling despite himself when the spiritual dog turns and licks his cheek.

Only then she turns and runs off with a bark and his shoulders slump again.

He needs to call upon that old resolve, he knows he does, needs to harden his heart, stand up and find his way back to his rooms and... and he doesn't know what next, but he's used to that. The next thing right now, that's all he needs.

He just can't bring himself to move... right now...

Jingyi considers this new perspective and finds himself nodding. It was better to think he might've helped than continue blaming himself for hurting his friend. He curls closer against Zizhen and smiles softly when he's kissed. "Yeah, you're right.. someone needed to say something." Though maybe not something that would embarrass Jin Ling like he had. He just hadn't realized how poor his condition was.

With a slight sniffle as he tries to let go of his guilt, he lifts his head to return the kiss only to Zizhen's lips instead. A part of Jingyi wanted to ask why their friends had been acting that way, but any motivation to stop kissing in order to do that dwindles rapidly. He loops his arms around Zizhen's shoulders and eagerly deepens the kiss.

~~~

Determined to find Yuan, Jin Ling pushes himself to move faster and further than normally. If he were thinking about it, he might even be impressed that he could do this much. Had his doctors been making him hold back more than he realized? It wasn't important now. Nothing was except finding Yuan.

Fortunate this task suddenly becomes much easier when Fairy bursts out from a bush and starts guiding him. The click of his cane is the only warning as Jin Ling's dog takes him to the pagoda. He holds out his hand to touch the side of it as he rounds the corner. His heartbreaks into pieces as his eyes fall on the sweet boy with tears streaming down his face.

He's such a fool! It shouldn't have mattered that Yuan stopped wearing his mother's ring. He just wants the boy to be happy and he should've focused on that alone. Cautiously, he moves forward to sit by Yuan's side. He's worried if he moves too fast or invades the new Lan's space too much he'll run away again.

"Yuan.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.. I was trying to.." Gods, what does he even say to explain himself here? Zizhen would have something romantic and sweet to say here. He probably would've written it a dozen of times while he was apart from his love so it would come perfectly when needed. Jin Ling.. uses a different approach. "Where the hell have you been?!"

That is so not what he wanted to say.

"Exactly." Zizhen agrees, pleased that he's been able to soothe Jingyi's worries.

He's especially pleased when it earns him more kisses, and maybe he should have said something else or encouraged him to talk more but now they're kissing and why should they stop? They have a lot of kisses to make up for.

He sighs happily against Jingyi's lips and abandons himself to the sensation.

~~~

It takes Yuan a moment to register what the clicking noise even is, so when Ling suddenly appears, with Fairy at his side, his initial reaction is to gasp.

Well, now he understands why Fairy left.

He isn't sure how to react, exactly, it feels like the opposite of his intention in running away, but he can't bring himself to move, can't run away again knowing Jin Ling has come after him. He waits silently as the other boy sits next to him, searching for the right words.

It's clearly not a unique dilemma, but his resolve to put distance between himself and Ling crumbles the moment he says I'm sorry. Somehow knowing they're both struggling is all he really needs. His hand strays to his chest, to where the ring sits beneath the fabric, and he wonders if he did see what he thought he did, earlier, and if he should say something.

Then he's being yelled at and he blinks, startled.

"...Cloud recesses...?" He's been there the whole time. Did Jin Ling not... know? But surely he did, it was his idea to go!

Jin Ling ignores the dumb answer and wraps his arms around Yuan instead. He draws the other boy close, unable to resist one second longer.

“Yuan.. that’s not.. I just meant.. I’ve missed you.” This isn’t at all what a sect leader should say or do. If others overheard this then there would no doubt be gossip about him being weak and childish but he couldn’t keep fighting this- not when he’s finally gotten to see Yuan again.

There's a split second where Yuan is frozen in surprise, but then everything comes crashing down on him - the longing, the pain, the hurt and guilt and confusion, the one tiny piece of the puzzle that has been missing since the moment he left Lotus Pier and is now finally, finally clicking back into place.

Lan propriety can go to hell. He flings his arms around Jin Ling and buries his face in his shoulder (thankfully, quite by chance, the uninjured one) and feels the urge to cry. Again.

He doesn't, though, he holds it off in favour of just breathing in the familiar scent he's so dreadfully missed - it's silly, he thinks, to have gotten so attached so quickly, but at the same time it feels absolutely correct.

"I've missed you too. I'm so sorry." He says, muffled against Jin Ling's robes.

He isn't sure what he expected. There's certainly a part of him that thinks he might get shoved off or even slapped. There's that very brief pause, but it's hardly noticed. He's so busy being stunned by his own actions that he can't really blame Yuan for it either!

His world that has felt off ever since he left Yuan's side in Lotus Pier realigns as arms curl around him. The heart he'd felt might be shattered beyond repair heal the instant he speaks. He presses a kiss to the top of Yuan's head and his grip gets just a little tighter around the boy.

"I'm sorry, A-Yuan. I couldn't write for a while and when I could, I just, I thought about how you had this new life and new family and I didn't want you to have to remember your past. I thought it'd only make you sad or hurt.. or embarrassed to remember me. Then you were here today and.." His thoughts were reeling in his head making it difficult to find exactly what he was trying to say. "I'm still afraid you might get hurt because of me."

He almost laughs, it's so ridiculously familiar - stuck not being able to write and then too worried about hurting the other to do so, and all the while making them both miserable.

He pulls back a little, just enough so he can look at Ling, but barely loosening the grip of his arms - it made him feel anchored to be this close to him again, makes everything feel just a little steadier.

"I couldn't write either, for a bit," he thinks, perhaps, for the same reason - and he wishes those who knew had just told him. He understands they were just trying to help, but it's hard to think about how hurt Jin Ling might have been while he was off studying... and getting stabbed, just a little.

"Then I... you hadn't written and I thought... I thought it would hurt you, or burden you, if I wrote... I thought maybe if I worked hard on my cultivation I could... I could be..." he voice trails off slightly, the final word coming in a whisper as he gives voice to something he's barely even admitted to himself "worthy..."

Worthy of Jin Ling, of his parents, his new position, his friends...

"I was... I was scared, and I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you..."